What's your TTC story? What are you grateful for and what have been those moments where you needed to show yourself a little more self-compassion?
Considering we've all had many opportunities for growth recently it's poignant to take some time to reflect, appreciate, and acknowledge just how much we're grateful for, despite our challenges - in particular those that COVID-19 has brought to the TTC community!
This July marks a number of anniversaries in my TTC story. It's a time of reflection that has me acknowledging what I'm grateful for and what I need to show myself some compassion with.
Pull up a chair and settle down with your cup of tea if you're interested in hearing my TTC story and what I have to offer you to also feel at peace with your story.
July 2004, 16 yrs ago, I was curled up in a ball with intense period pain during a freezing cold winter, recently diagnosed with suspected Endometriosis. I had just had my world turned upside down after being told that I was likely going to have trouble conceiving because of this disease. It was such gut wrenching news that I needed to process that I told my boyfriend (now husband) that I wanted space, didn't want to drag him into it and tried to break it off with him. Thankfully he hung around but we weren't ready to start a family yet, so on to the pill I went.
Then in July 2007 my husband and I decided we were ready to start our family so I came off the pill, had another Laporoscopy to check that the Endo had been kept at bay and we were ready to fall pregnant! Sounds familiar doesn't it?! I know you've all been there - you decide that you're finally ready to start your family and expect that within the next couple of months you'll be excitedly dancing around the bathroom with the positive pregnancy test in your hands!
But July 2007 officially kick started the longest, most challenging 9.5 years of our lives. Even though my Gynae forewarned me that with Endo I was best going to IVF sooner rather than later, we took 18 months of TTC naturally to concede that we needed IVF. I had another laporoscopy, 18 months of IVF cycles (3 egg retrievals - 1 natural & 2 x ICSI), multiple failed transfers, chemical pregnancies, changes in diet, regular acupuncture, Restorative Yoga classes, bucket loads of tears and 4 months off work to create our miracle baby - who is now 8.5 years old!
When she was about 15 months old we conceded that we also had secondary infertility and needed to once again access IVF!! Then after another 3.5 years, another 3 rounds of ICSI (with a change in FS for the final 2), another laporoscopy, another couple of chemical pregnancies, an MRI to diagnose Adenomyosis, artificial menopause to suppress said Adeno, human growth hormone to bolster my final IVF cycle, hours of therapy and a FS who "left no stone unturned", we conceived our gorgeous boy naturally - immediately after our final IVF cycle in 2016.
As you can all appreciate our TTC journey was the emotional, mental, physical roller coaster from hell. At the end of the day though, we are one of the blessed ones for we have two beautiful sweethearts for whom we are forever grateful.
The mental and emotional scars from that (almost) decade of a traumatic journey took a while to heal. But when I did finally heal, I found my purpose was to serve those also on their TTC journey.
So this July I'm celebrating one year of practising as a therapist supporting my beautiful TTC clients to find peace with their stories, their challenges, and achieve their dreams. It's unbelievably rewarding when your client reaches those moments of clarity and inner knowing that they're going to be OK, when they develop the confidence that they've done everything they can to help the process and trust that all is as it should be.
Because of our work together my clients know they don’t have to succumb to the devastating effects of infertility. They can gracefully face whatever challenges arise each month, feeling calm and better able to cope with their emotions.
This July is also extremely special because my first Fertility clients welcomed their long-awaited rainbow babies into the world! There were many happy tears when I heard the news and saw the photos of their beautiful little bubbas!!
If you've got this far through my story, I want to thank you and I hope it gives you some hope that not only can you achieve your dreams and heal from the challenges that TTC throws at you, but you can also thrive and live a full life.
I'd love to read any comments below about your own TTC challenges and what was a major breakthrough point for you or maybe a reflection on what has been your biggest stumbling block. Maybe it was realising how powerful yoga or acupuncture was for you or maybe you recognised that you needed to take stock after each unsuccessful cycle to gather yourself back up off the floor and learned not to push your hurt feelings aside. I'd love to hear your stories too.
Fertility issues and their impact on one’s quality of life is something I’m passionate about. My husband and I struggled to conceive both our children for nearly a decade and I am determined to provide an alternative way of life for others who are now struggling to conceive.
If you’re here in this moment, instead of being the parent you desire, then you may be feeling overwhelmed, hopeless and/ or lonely. However, you are not alone when it comes to infertility... with statistics stating 1 in 6 couples experience infertility, there is a community out there who can understand, empathise with you and support you.
Connecting with this community allows you to finally feel supported, accepted and understood. Shame doesn’t exist and vulnerability is valued.
Another passion of mine is facilitating people to new insights – I love facilitating change, facilitating growth, facilitating connections and facilitating transformations. Through facilitation I help people navigate their thoughts, behaviours, beliefs or emotions to create awareness. With this awareness comes the ability to make choices and wiser decisions. Decisions made with a greater awareness and clarity of truth leads to a greater quality of life.
Wise decisions come during those moments of quiet reflection, when we’ve released the tension, let go of stress and relinquished the tight grip on control. Faith and hope return.
I understand that the various treatments and consultations that come with assisted reproductive technologies can leave you feeling raw and depleted and stressed. So my purpose is to provide a nurturing and welcoming space for you to rebuild. I have created a workshop for a small group of fertility warriors – who are feeling battle worn – to come together and make connections, gain clarity and allow calm to return to their lives.
It is my honour to help you release that which no longer serves you, to allow yourself to relax and find some peace and calm. With my support you can have faith that, in this present moment, all is as it is meant to be.
I am offering this opportunity to access the powerful modality of hypnotherapy with this affordable workshop. If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to relax and access your subconscious mind and allow transformation to occur, then this your chance to do so.
Join me and other fertility warriors from 10:30-13:00 on Sunday 27 October at Kirsty Eng Fertility Clinic in Herston to release and relax.
This is for you. You deserve to feel better, to feel lighter and to feel joy. Allow me to facilitate this for you.
For more details and to purchase your ticket, see BeKinda Therapies Release and Relax Fertility Workshop.
I've been delaying some important tasks lately... Some might even say I was procrastinating. Not because I'm lazy, not because I'm slacking off. But, honestly other tasks just happened to take priority or I wasn't in the right head space or it just didn't feel right to commence that task. I kept checking in with myself as to whether I was doing the right thing, and the usual overwhelming guilt that comes with pure procrastination, just wasn't there. Turns out I'd been quietly testing universal, divine timing...
Then I met with someone who was to be the recipient of one of my delayed tasks and she was actually glad I hadn't progressed; in fact she was relieved I hadn't.
I, too, was understandably relieved! But, I was also so grateful. Grateful for the Mindfulness skills I've been developing over the years. And grateful for my intuition. It allowed me to be gentle on myself, reducing the need to feel the usual harmful guilt and self judgement that comes from procrastination.
So many times over the years I have beat myself up that I hadn't progressed with a task only to find out that the pressure and pain wasn't worth it!
It certainly helps to have faith. Faith and a good blob of hope that it will happen and that you will know when the time is right. I have faith that divine timing will reveal itself.
What's so beautiful about trading in impatience and pressure (& burn out!) for intuitive progress, faith and hope, is that it frees you up. Once you have been relieved of the guilt, judgement and shame that comes from not achieving something, you have space in your life for love, happiness, gratitude, hope and a bounty of other beautiful moments.
Unfortunately laziness and procrastination are still unhelpful... Some things just can't be ignored - that rubbish bag is only going to get more & more full and stinky... But try becoming mindful of the difference between "I just don't want to" and intuitively and intentionally delaying actions towards something that really matters to you. Who knows, maybe your intuition will reveal that you're actually feeling scared, or someone else in your life needs to learn another lesson first before there's any progress. Sometimes there's a very good reason why something hasn't happened yet. Tap into your intuition and know that it will happen when the time is right.
Hypnotherapy can be a gateway to your intuition. If you need some assistance with finding your quiet, intuitive and mindful self, then I'd love to help you out. I would love to share my experiences with finding inner wisdom and support you so you too can connect with yours. If its time for you to be more kind to yourself, then there's no time for procrastination. 😘
As a therapist and coach I'm keenly aware that we are driven by desire. In fact I openly discuss desires as something I can assist you to manifest. One of the first things I might ask a client is 'what is your desired outcome?' Desires and wants can lead us to achieve our goals. But desires have a bit of a bad reputation!
Why? Because if we act on them without being conscious of the consequences, then they can lead us to all sorts of trouble. If you obsess over them and they consume you - is that healthy? If we want something that is inappropriate then we're wasting energy that could be used more effectively. And most importantly, if what you desire are purely material, superficial objects, then you may not be genuinely connected with nor acting in alignment with your values.
Desires are delicious. They can be exciting. They can drive you to success. They can give us hope and joy.
You may have a delicious desire to one day own your own apartment. Or maybe you want to escape your job. Or you may desire the loving embrace of a family. Or maybe you just love cheese so much that a meal doesn't go by without the salty addition of the yellow stuff.
As your coach I can help you to understand what it really means to meet that desire; then you know you have choices. And with choice comes autonomy.
Practising such mindfulness gives the space for choice, for wise discernment. By being mindful of your desires you can consciously make the choice to act on it, or simply acknowledge it and wisely let it pass.
How empowering is that?